21 years, 3 days, 1 hour and counting...

...If there was one thing surrounding my coming of age to the official adult age of 21, it is the uncanny awareness that I'm alive.

I was trying to avoid doing a turned-21 philosophical rant... and after pondering very hard about it, I decided silence is golden and I wouldn't write anything about it. Until now.
sometimes events just happen to jolt you out of a reverie and you lapse into what I call a supreme awareness state - of being acutely aware of the significance of events, life and people around you. and how fragile and vulnerable anything can be.

I struggle with my thoughts. There are some things you just cannot articulate - especially not to the common public. Yet, there are thoughts you want to share - convoluted thoughts that swirl in a conscious mass of nerves - and sometimes you're not even entirely sure what they are.

I've had a roller-coaster of a week and things have happened that I will never again forget in my entire lifetime. The vividness of a fear, the aftermath of its relief, the prolonged agony of possibilities... And after it all, you wonder if you were over-reacting. But the reality of the possible truth that presented itself to you in that moment in time registered too scary a scale... and it comes back to you in fragments. scraps of memory extracted from an unwritten book.
I hope I never lose that book which is mine. secrets known only to me.

Amidst these thoughts, which I desire to pen, but am too afraid to, or find it too difficult to, a death surfaces that puts things in perspective.
childish rants, frivolous desires, worldly success, status quos... what really matters in the face of death?
even that which I feared... shouldn't I have considered myself lucky I could even be alive?
In the words of Shakespeare, death is the greatest leveller.
What plagues the lowest being so plagues the highest. there is no exception.
When does living with a difficulty become worse than not being able to live at all?

My heart goes out to the friend whose brother just died in a motorcycle accident. When one moment ago, you believed life was perfect...or at least alright, news that makes the moment not so is never easy to bear. I understand perfectly the emotion. And nothing we do or say will be able to share the burden of the pain - but we can silently be there. rallying behind the unsaid words of comfort. for whenever you need it. And only time will ease the burden - to see light where before it was dark.

This is when life gets serious - and frivolity finds its shame and takes its rightful place in your walk of life.
No amount of clubs, alcohol, drugs or mushrooms can mask you from the truth any longer.