Mixed

So I guess another sub-chapter of my life has closed...

I am officially done with my summer stint. And let's just say things didn't end with a big bang, unlike the way i left the other newsrooms.

Perhaps I berate myself too much... or expect too much - friends seem to always tell me that. But I have left with an immense taste of dissatisfaction, which I can almost even physically taste at the tip of my tongue. Never mind I didn't hit a personal target I set for myself, but I reckon the least they could do was give me my by-line - have never had one denied to me before.

So okay, it's not that big a deal. This story and another, published today was written by me, fyi. But I wasn't attributed for it for God knows what reason. And another paper picked up the same story too, from us, and rewrote it. But hey, on the bright side, I keep my anonymity huh.

A friend said to me: 'don't worry.. the world's not over just because of two by-lines'...
well, if only it was just that two by-lines that's messing me up.

Mixed. Emotions - good, bad, sublimal. Disgust, respect, indecision. Understanding, repulsion, coldness. Sophistication, inhuman, mercenaries. Age, competence, condescension. Youth, brilliance, downfall. Blind, old, fucks. Narrow, grated, individuals. Gratefulness, happiness, unfulfilment. Ambitions, dreams, circumstances. Hopes, fears, regrets. Expectations, anticipation, nonchalance. Failure, success, meaning. Millions and billions, shades of feelings. How does humanity manage to sieve through the maze of unspeakable thoughts. What happens to you - what the fuck does it matter in comparison to the pathetic state of the world. The world - it happens to you. You don't happen to the world.

I'm sick of speaking and writing in riddles.

Indecision is a curse of humanity.
Thinking and contemplation is the greater irony.