The long goodbye

It seems like the end of this era is one long extended goodbye.

Not that I'm complaining.

This three-year-long-chapter/era has been the best one of my life as yet - but even as we fight to clutch at the memories and remnants of what has passed, part of us know that we should and want to, move on.

It seems like as far back as the post-exam celebrations began, people were lamenting that this was going to our last exam, our last lecture, get-together etc...

Then it became everytime we had a meal - it was a last meal with different combinations of people, making it a series of last meals that until now, hasn't abated.

Not to mention everytime someone came to pack or clean the house, it became the last time we'll sleep here, the last time we'll clean here...

Then the series of long, extended, last goodbyes that hangs tentatively in the air whenever we meet up - am I going to see you tomorrow? no? awww... i'm going to miss you.
Oh, am I seeing you tomorrow? ok, i'll wait till then to say goodbye.
and of course...
the denial stage:
Nooo... I don't wanna leave! This is going to be the last time we're all together!

I seem to have exhausted all the goodbyes now.
Every gathering seems to have this air of change, regret, anticipation, and of the awkward oh-i-have-to-say-goodbye-to-you-now-what-should-I-say moment.
Some people you don't ever want to say goodbye to, some people you don't know if it matters whether you say goodbye or not. But when that moment of parting comes, it's all a tug-of-war of emotions - and then you realise the subtle layers of feeling you never really acknowledged within you. Surprise. But lovely, sad, cruel and poignant.

I don't wish it to end. But yet it all has to. (As the (weird chinese) saying goes, only when the old goes, the new comes. )

I can almost feel the literal last pages of this chapter closing.
You know how sometimes you read a book you like so much and when you approach the end, even though you're dying to know the result and finish the story at the fastest speed; but you know deep down you love it so much you don't want it to end, you sub/consciously try to stall the last few pages, savour every word.
Two forces in conflict, trying to determine the pace by which you end a memory.

It is a struggle that doesn't come very often, but when it does, you appreciate every moment of it.
For better, or for worse.