Haha

I have outdone myself...
Four days left till the deadline for my last ever 5,000 word essay...
and I realised I misread my essay question.

In my head, I kept thinking it was 'two texts IN RELATION to' Coetzee's term 'white writing'. But when I finally typed out my question in full glory at the blank page of my essay which I had been staring at unfruitfully for ages...
I finally discovered to my horror it was 'two texts AS EXAMPLES of'.

You might think it's a slight difference. But it makes all the difference to me, who now have to junk an entire half of a week's worth of research (not to mention time and money spent standing at the damn photocopiers) because one of the texts is definitely NOT an 'example of' and now I have to start all over again with a different text to compare and contrast with my first text.

I can only say well done to myself...
I have reached this point when the prospect of an inevitable crap essay and the stupidly limited time to revise for three final examinations have struck me and all i can say is... haha fuck it.

But can you imagine my distress if (touchwood) I get a high borderline 2.1 in the end? I'm so close and yet so far from a first. It's agonising. And I hate it.
I know I have to do work for it but it almost goes against the natural instincts of my disposition to choose watching football over reading, clubbing instead of doing work.

So instead of being productive tonight... and trying to re-work my essay, re-think my texts and arguments... I am gonna wallow in despondency for awhile.

I surprisingly find a lack of inclination to ring any of my best friends up to whinge. One of them, I find, has an amazing knack of not being there when I need them most, through no direct fault of theirs. It's one of those murphy-law things.. And I have a personal repulsion of ringing people up when they're occupied despite the fact that I might really need to do so. But anyway, I am even finding a perverse pleasure in making this an excuse for me to procrastinate further tonight.. and indulge in blogging, msn-ing, and lounging on my bed with my computer (a luxury I seldom afford myself because I often find bed + computer = many tangled wires + effort + ultimate sleepiness) even while I can almost physically sense the seconds slipping away as I countdown to this tuesday... and then to the 26th of May.

So to cheer myself up, I decided to compile a list of phrases that turn up on my site - people who have googled/searched these phrases and then landed on my site. (there is an actual term for this, and I have blogged about this before but the term now eludes me) (Jen has kindly relieved me of my agony.. the word is referrals!)

Anyway, this might provide a few laughs... it did me.

Recent referrals:
-Heaven Knows tab (this ranks as number 1 - no idea which 'heaven knows' song it's referring to)
- insect fight China
- Rufus Wainwright, Hallelujah
- J Lo Nationality (?!)
- letter from heaven (suicidal maybe?)
- madame toussand
- the rockery amsterdam
- happy hours new asia (a club/bar in Sg)
- it's just emotion taking me over
- j lo wax figure (what's with the obsession with her?)
- moulin rouge amsterdam picture
- ephemerality

and this last, quite recent one...
- blood boil kgs

it made my skin crawl when I read it... why would anyone would google that phrase?!

the world is full of weirdos.

Ooh, and for those following my MA saga... I have been offered a place at Goldsmiths! (yay) I initially had fears about only applying to very few places (few isn't even the right word) but it looks like I have a general direction to head now.

It's again time for more decisions...
but unlike the last few times where I've flipped a coin to decide life-changing decisions, I might have to think about things much more now.
Then again, flipping a coin helps you discern which choice you already made anyway.
I'll leave it in His hands..

At the mo, I need to stop stressing out. It's not good for the skin or the mental health and there is only so much one can do.
Haha.