Did I really know what I thought I knew?

I've just had a thought and it's been festing in the inner recesses of my brain for sometime now and I've finally managed to articulate it.

Whatever I thought I knew about writing, I now realize I don't. Well, at least not to a certain kind of writing that I have somewhat been training myself to do well.

I always thought if you knew how to write, and could write well, it will speak for itself on the page. Whatever style you chose to wrote in would be good and suitable, only because it was you that was writing it.

But I've learnt that it's all about the audience.

And the sad truth is, words, are now ubiquitous.

Worthless.

Abundant.

Accessible.

Excessive.

What sets you apart, then, is your ability to write for your audience. Different audiences. Many, many, audiences.

I used to look for the expressions, like the true sesquipedalianist. Wanting to outdo myself, all the time. But it's dawned on me now that the very things I used to despise or hold in contempt is done so for a reason. It's been done this way for a certain reason throughout history. And I guess it only takes you to mature, to realize it.

I'm reaching a turning point now where it's like my eyes have suddenly opened and my pen has frozen on my page, metamorphosising from inside out. The words come at me from all around like diffusion at speed. I no longer belong to my own insular, intellectualising world.

I hate those who don't get it. I got hurled abuse at today because I used the word 'intertextuality' at the lunch table. It was obvious he was stupid, in some way. But I would be stupider to think that's it. Only when you stradle both stratas and understand both will you be able to consider yourself superior. Only then will you transcend the ordinary.

I need to let in the elements that I used to hate, and force myself to embrace them. Only when I do so, will I be able to surpass my own levels of expectations. It will all come down to one word, the choice of that word, its exact location, the smell or touch or emotion or image or sensation that is conjured by its precise position and manipulation.

And when I've attained that nirvana, I can write about anything I want, in any way I want. And it wouldn't matter if you didn't get it. It would have to take one to recognise the other. And ultimately, I want to keep it that way.

So did I really know what I thought I knew?

If you know what I'm talking about, I'll really like you.