Content

I've had a busy day at work.. am exhausted.


But after debating many thoughts and issues in my mind of late... I have come to a conclusion which I want to write down.


If I can live in a place where I can see the sunshine, run outdoors sometimes, have good food, a seaside that is not further than one hour away and a decent room with orange lighting, a bed, a sofa, a stereo to play my music with, a computer to blog thoughts with, favourite films to watch, tasteful books to read, a cup to tea in my hands and my bear to cuddle with....


...then I shall be content and happy. At least, I should be.


All other things have infuriate me about my surroundings is secondary to the fact that I am blessed with these things and should be thankful for it.


In the long run, the configurations of these things might change. The location, especially. But in essence, if humanity cannot be content with what they have, they will never achieve happiness.

I feel...

... a bit guilty.


I was slightly late for work this morning. Been having problems getting to sleep at night - I'm not sure if it's the climate, not being used to my own bed, or just inexplicable insomnia. The annoying thing is when I do finally fall asleep, I find it terribly hard to get up, especially for work.


And then mum offered me a lift home from work so I took it, and ended up leaving earlier than usual. So I came in later than my boss, and left much earlier than her. Have been feeling slightly guilty all night - although to be fair, I'm probably going to more than make up for it, as I do with every internship, since they always employ us as cheap labour who are always overworked and underpaid. I'll just turn up earlier tomorrow and leave later.


I seem to have a lot more free time to myself this holiday - I'm not sure if it's because of circumstances, or just a state of mind. For once I'm actually getting a chance to write more, listen to music and even watch DVDs with my little bro. Again, I'm not too sure if I like it or not. Maybe it's good to have phases. Sometimes be alone. Sometimes not.

I have been looking at pictures again - I really should sort all of them out and get a few prints. I have grand plans to re-decorate my room too. I took the above picture in Salcombe, Devon during my holiday to Cornwall.


This...

is taken in Tintagel, Cornwall. June 13, 2005. 6.35pm I was looking out onto this exact view unfolding itself in quite a subtle magnificance, thinking I would never forget this moment. And I don't think I ever will. If I try hard enough, I can feel that exact elation, that cold breeze, that sound familiar yet alien, that lovely presence. I find myself looking around lately and wishing for the beauty of Cornwall. The Catch-22 though, is that I yearn for it, it's so beautiful, and yet, I wouldn't want to live there. (not yet. at least.) I want to be somewhere busier, somewhere more exciting. like here. But now even though I'm here, there's still something missing.


It's no use talking in circles.
What I truly miss....





is feeling like this.

(Yes, that is my car. And yes, I also made a dent in its roof.)

Monday

My hands are cramping.

Been re-adjusting details of this new template... turns out my font was all fuzzy and thanks to duckshoe, I got all my text re-aligned at the center where I want it, my graphics re-done etc. It's always useful to have a computing genius around, huh?


Anyway, I'm going to experiment more with the look and graphics. I've learnt that photoshop isn't that hard but there's only so much you can do without looking at the manual so although I resolutely don't want to, I might actually venture into exploring further...

Speaking of which, I've learnt a little neat trick of posting pictures with borders using photoshop - it was really easy - just that I don't know if I'm going to sustain the effort of putting up borders everytime I post a pic. This pretty one was taken in Blackforest at Lake Titisee, Germany. I love it. I have so many photographs I took on my Switzerland/Germany trip - but the drawback about using a digital camera is there is often so many pictures, you can't be bothered to actually print them out. My mum is still being smug over the fact that she could instantly develop proper prints of our holiday and my graduation, in retaliation to our poking much fun at her 'ancient', 'film' 'analog' camera which was such a chore to use. In the end though, the pictures turned out really nicely and she's having the last laugh while mine is still stuck on this retarded pc.


But not for long. Because... I'm finally going to get my very first iMac!!!! [I am now told it's an ibook or a powerbook I should get instead] How exciting for me! Been wanting to convert for ages but never had the will to save that much to get one. But now it's a present for birthday cum graduation thingy... I can hardly wait for the weekend - I can finally troop down to the Apple Center to make out my selection.


Work today has been good. I've been given another notebook purely for work/assignments which is great because I have been given the option of working from home(!). My boss thinks it's conducive filing from home sometimes. I had to wait around a lot today, but have been filled in about what is going to happen roughly over the next two months which sounds exciting. I can't wait to start legging my own proper feature although it spans a scary 6-7 pages (we're talking hundreds of cms).


I have loads on my mind which I need to do.
What I love about working is it kind of gets you into this organized mode. I'm forced to keep thinking and making lists about what to do.


Most importantly, it's gotten me back into blogging-mode.

Finally!

Woohoo!
I have finally managed to give my blog the overdue facelift I planned a long time ago...

You have no idea how agonising it has been. I have searched countless websites for free blogskins and templates, only to find disgusting cutesey ones which always turn the cursor into a '+' and has some kind of gaudy image/design that makes me almost convulse when I see it.

After going through so many, I decided finally to make my own. All that you see has been built from scratch - I had to experiment with so many different commands. My photoshop skills, inevitably, have been pushed right to the edge of its limits, as far as it can go without consulting the manual.

All in all, I'm pretty satisfied. Except that there's this space above my thinking cloud which I can't seem to get rid of. Any suggestions?

Also, I can't seem to use my text-justify command without double-spacing my entire chunk of text. Only when I align it to the left, will my text body appear as a decent size. I hope people are seeing what I'm seeing - from experience, sometimes different computers show up different things due to framing etc. If it looks disastrously wrong to you, please let me know!

Right, on to updates. I can't believe I haven't written since my last post - once again overwhelmed by that feeling that I have so much to write I don't know where to start. Definitely, I have left behind that era which I last blogged about. Since then, I had returned from Cornwall, got my results, saw a cricket match, went to Switzerland and Germany, finally graduated, and returned home....

Where I am starkly feeling more and more, that I don't belong.
I feel displaced. Not that I want to... but besides home - my family and close friends - my country does not feel like my country anymore.
I dream about waking up instead in silly blighty for all its horrible weather.
It's getting rather muggy here - or it has always been like that and I am re-discovering it now.
Maybe I'm only feeling this way because of things I've left behind.

But anyway, tomorrow begins another chapter!
I start my 4th internship tomorrow and have to get up at bloody 8am. I guess it's healthier this way.

Have not had a chance to go mad partying since I've been back and I actually feel a strange inclination not to be in a mad rush to get out. (but I've only been back since Thursday)

We'll see how things turn out.
Now that I'm at work with regular access to the internet, I hope to be making improvements on this new look - and to write more, of course.

Time for bed.