Listen to the dark beat

So another weekend is over and I can't believe how fast this chapter is unfolding..

Even more unbelievable is how I've finally found the time to sit down and recollect several things I should have done several weeks ago before all that stuff happened.

So I'm chilling and the lavendar-pathy is working its magic and I'm trying to find the peace before hitting another crazy week. My degree has turned into something of a full-time job... more or less trying to get used to, or get over the manic pace, and giving up the idea of having one more year of pissing about, enjoying student life. But in a way, i'm getting the buzz, which is great.

And speaking about buzzes... last night was absolutely fantastic. One of my coursemates had a halloween/birthday burlesque-themed party and I had to attempt to squeeze into this corset which I could wear three years ago, then became to big for it a year ago... and was surprised that I could fit into it now. and if u think i had made the effort with the suspenders-plus-corset-type costume, you should have seen the amazing outfits those guys came up with at the party. Wigs and fishnets, garter belts and feathers... I was very impressed. T looked stunning in her outfit, moulin-rouge style. No one ever makes the effort to do anything interesting dress-wise where I come from. Too many people take things too seriously there. There was a house party after but me and two others were getting the buzz and we went to SEOne instead, this famous venue under the arches of the London Bridge, since my best friend and co were there. Think massive, think history, think awesome. How many people have trod on the warehouse-huge grounds inside those arches? From the illegal ravers to squatters to cars parked on its ground, I love thinking about inhabiting a space previously inhabited by a time, generation and people so different, but yet so universally and fundamentally, the same.

Huge, dark, lasers, loud loud music, absolutely amazing. The dance floors and dj platforms were massive and everyone was * their face and it was such a colourful night-festival, Glastonbury-like without the mud. Several drags of laughing gas later I was hammering it - got up on the podiums and might have got myself a job (crosses fingers) If not, no loss either. I made new friends and there's nothing like seeing a whole massive crowd pump and jump to the beat from up there.

I felt so loved up - (I'm so glad I went in the end babe!) and we danced all night till it shut at 7am in the morning. The clocks went backwards last night (signalling winter, oh the horrors..), so we got an extra hour or dancing, or sleeping, depends on how you want to look at it. Went back to L's and crashed from sheer exhaustion and nausea and have been feeling tender all day. Photos from last night (send it to me soon!) were incredible and slightly embarrassing when I got up this afternoon and saw it...i will put it up, maybe when I finally get down to setting up that photoblog i've been speaking about...

The only person missing was J - I guess if he was here I wouldn't have been able to do all the shopping and partying this weekend, but it would have been so much better if he was there, and it's a sunday night now and I'm feeling a bit shit for not being to see him for another whole week.

And I guess time to put all the stuff that's been happening the last month into perspective is also much-overdue. Time alone is always undervalued and sometimes when circumstances force you into it, you realize how much you've needed it. And I have learnt several important things over the last few weeks. There are some things you don't want to go through again, some you just want to forget, some you learn to embrace and at the end of it all, you might become a better person for accepting it all.

I guess I've had a good weekend.

Moving along... I also read something recently that really disappointed me. But it's taught me that some people whom you consider friends, you can never trust. It's a sobering sort of disappointment when you realise it. It's cyncial but cynicism exists for a reason. If you're naturally a person who opens to people easily, as J told me, you're going to find that there's a lot of nasty, small-minded people in this world who'll try and screw you over just to make themselves feel bigger or better. And you don't have to grow too old to find that out. Sometimes you can get too comfortable with people you think are friends... but inevitably there are occasions where things are taken out of context, jokes misconstrued and if they can't see past that to what you're really like then they don't know you at all, and they're just simply not worth it. not any time. not a single second.

The cardinal sin for any journalist is to represent any matter out of context. And some people sit on their high horse and do precisely the thing they accuse others of doing - despite their own misguided claims of objectivity, all they do is reinforce their own parochial views and insecurities. They think they're funny, but they really are not.

My suggestion? Go look in the mirror first.

If you look like Humpty Dumpty, don't sit on the fucking throne and pretend you're the King.